The only ones who haven’t experienced broken hearts
are the ones who never opened them.
After suffering a broken heart, we often become
more protective of our emotional vulnerability.
Many blame “Love” for their pain and, consciously
or unconsciously, resolve to harden their hearts
against more “Love.”
Love is not a weapon in Cupid’s quiver. Love is not
an accessory in our lives. Love is not a pastime,
nor an exercise.
Love is our very Being. Love is who we ARE when the
layers of thought, memory and identification are
stripped from our psyche. You cannot keep a
distance from Love without keeping a distance from
In fact, it could be said that the most basic gauge
of a person’s spiritual evolution is the extent of
their Love. We may not be outwardly mushy and soft,
but when our minds and hearts are open, we can’t
exclude the rest of humanity. Realization
automatically expands the encompassment of the
Many people suffer from self-loathing. Some only
love themselves. Some love their immediate
families, or perhaps the extended family. For some,
love expands to include countrymen, race, creed and
so on. We divide the world into those we accept,
and those we oppose.
Love is the most essential thing, the sweetest
thing, and the most precious thing, even though
Love is not a “thing.” Love brings color to a world
that might otherwise seem grey.
Sadly, Love is one of the first things that becomes
distorted in Life; love becomes the poison pill,
the Mother of Pain.
Our deepest nature consists of Pure Awareness and a
“Feeling Nature” that many have described as
“Bliss.” It is the pure Joy of Being itself. Our
deepest level of satisfaction and happiness is an
inseparable part of our Soul.
Our problems begin when the Pure Awareness that we
are gets tangled in the stream of thoughts and
ideas that form a constant mental dialog in our
minds. We weave an ego identity out of our memories
and self-reflections, and Pure Awareness forgets
itself in witnessing the content of our minds and
ego. Pure Awareness doesn’t go away. It still
illumines our whole existence and lends its reality
to our thoughts and ideas, whether they are real or
not. It’s in the background as the witness of all
Once we become aware of other individuals, that
“Bliss” that we Are becomes “Love.” Love is our
Inner-Bliss-Nature reflected at an object. Love is
communing Spirit Essence. The union of Awareness
and Love is the sacred marriage that exists within
The problem with Love also arises when our Spirit
becomes aware of other individuals. We develop an
illusory identity, a separate idea of ourselves.
Love becomes something that we imagine that we can
gain and lose. We go into the business of trading
Pure Love doesn’t go away either. It becomes
distorted though, and lends its power to our
emotional states, whether they are real or not.
It’s in the background as the power of feeling.
Instead of Love being something we experience
within ourselves, as ourselves, it becomes a
commodity we seek from others. We judge the
validity of our lives and ourselves by how much
“love” we think we are getting from the outside.
Our mentally created self-image is insecure and
tenuous. It depends on continual reinforcement from
outside events that we associate with being
Do others spend money on us? Do they invite us to
events? Do they say nice things that we want to
hear? Do they endure unpleasant chores for our
sake? Do they want to have sex with us? Do they
express their appreciation and gratitude?
All these things pass for the perception of ‘love.’
They can be given or taken away. We have something
to lose, and losing ‘love’ in our lives is a source
of deep pain.
So while Love is the essence of our Soul, it
becomes the external need that we can’t get enough
of. Love becomes the drug that intoxicates us. To
chase our addiction to love, we are willing to
suffer abuse, to be exploited, and to pretend to be
somebody we are not.
If we feel that love has rejected us, we are
willing to cut the heart out of our life to protect
us from the pain that threatens to negate our very
So while Love is our innermost essential nature, it
becomes the elusive external goal that our confused
self craves but never has enough of.
Love where the Real and Unreal Meet
What you make of that is what you make of yourself.
How do we return to the Love within us that can
never be taken away? How can we heal our hearts so
that opening to Love doesn’t threaten us?
First let’s look at they ways that love becomes
distorted in everyday life.
It often starts in the family.
A child naturally takes mother and father as God
for all practical purposes. This link is huge and
contains everything from Pure Love to the body’s
basic survival programming. Before the child
realizes that Mom and Dad aren’t Gods, the child
will often blame itself for these Gods not
answering baby’s expectations.
Love gets mixed up with meeting our needs and
Throughout the Family process, the ego-identity of
each member trades in love for the sake of its
needs and self-validation.
The feeling of dependency threatens the emerging
identity of the child so it seeks power and
independence. The child finally realizes that Mom
and Dad aren’t Gods and perhaps that realization
betrays the trust of its earlier love. The child
wants more equal treatment and may trade in giving
and withholding love as a strategy to have its way.
The identity of the parents is validated in having
their children excel and adopt the parent’s values
and beliefs. Parents may even project their own
goals and aspirations onto the child and
vicariously seek success through their kids. They
often devise a variety of manipulations to coerce
the child to conform. Unwittingly, they begin to
trade in love.
The kids may compete with each other for “love” in
its assumed forms. One child may be smarter,
prettier, nicer or more athletic than another. That
child may likely get more positive feedback,
consciously or unconsciously. A child who compares
their self-image with their mental images of the
other kids builds the wall of ego-identity higher
and higher. This ego-identity is an illusion
whether it belongs to a “successful” child who
feels an increased drive to excel and receive more
“love” or whether it belongs to the “Black Sheep”
of the family who feels rejected and left out.
Perhaps the underachieving child will react by
hardening their hear to “love” or seek negative
attention through self-destructive acts.
Each family member uses implied threats of giving
or withholding love. These manipulations destroy
the potential for nurturing unconditional love. The
trading in love breeds conflict. When we imagine
that love is received in gifts and words as a
reward for good behavior, we are making a shallow
transaction to sooth the insecurities of our
All our emotional reactions involving our self-idea
reinforce our illusory relationship with an
imaginary self that always feels a lack of love.
Real love underlies all these family dynamics. We
still have Love as our Inner Being. It’s just that
it gets tangled and confused in the course of our
lives. We forget ourselves and look for love in
others. Our Inner Love lends power and reality to
our drama with external love. Forgetting our Inner
Love makes us vulnerable to the pain of loneliness
The question of Love is twice as tricky when
romantic love is in question. Romantic love is one
of the most compelling temporary forces on the
Planet. Romantic love doesn’t last, it’s a
Romantic love borrows it authenticity from True
Love but adds an intoxicating mix of the body’s
neuro-chemical imperatives. We also share
life-force with a romantic partner, which creates a
union that hurts to separate.
Our Spirit’s adventure on this planet comes through
inhabiting a system of tubes covered with meat and
skin that we call our body. We are ruthlessly wired
to our body’s external perceptions and it’s
internal chemistry. When we don’t have enough to
eat, our bodies have a feedback mechanism called
hunger that loudly proclaims its needs to us. We
have feedback mechanisms for thirst, cold, physical
pain, and all the needs of the body.
You might have noticed that sex is one of those
needs of the body.
And sex goes beyond the act itself as the body has
inherited the biological and evolutionary instincts
for procreation and child rearing that perpetuates
our species. Our internal feedback system of
neuro-chemical feedback rewards and motivates our
mating responses. It pushes us to come together,
make babies, and stay attached to one another long
enough for those babies to grow up a bit.
Then it lets us go.
Of course, our Real-Love-Nature underlies our
romantic connection and our love isn’t 100%
illusion, but when it is mixed up with our body’s
responses, we can be confused and, in the end,
Next, our Love gets mixed up with our system of
Life Force Energy.
Our “Energy Body” bridges the spectrum between our
physical bodies and our Inner Spirit. When we feel
choked up with emotion, that’s the energy center in
the throat. When we feel compassion in the center
of our chests, that’s the energy center of the
Heart. When we have a sickening feeling of disgust
in our belly, that’s also an energy center (chakra)
that we’re feeling.
We get life force through our food, our breathing,
and from Spirit Itself. Our Life-Force-Body
reflects the totality of who we are as individuals.
We can sense the energy body of those we meet on an
intuitive level, consciously or unconsciously.
Sometime we just feel good or bad about somebody
just from his or her vibration.
Energy is like electricity; it flows from one
polarity to another. We each express many levels
and flavors of energy. There are also flavors of
energy that we don’t express as much. When our
energy compliments the energy of another, the power
flows back and forth and we call it “Chemistry.”
Energy chemistry can draw us to people whose
attitudes and lifestyle don’t otherwise suit us.
As we spend time with people, we share energy with
them. The more intimate we are with them, the more
of their energy we share. At some time, our energy
becomes so intertwined with our partner’s that the
energy gets equalized and the flow isn’t as
powerful anymore. We feel like we lost our “magic.”
Romantic love sometimes ends in separation. Perhaps
one partner leaves to seek new magic. The abandoned
one is used to having the partner’s energy to feel
complete. They are wired to a circuit that’s now
incomplete. It takes time to heal the energetic
wound and learn to live on our own energy alone
once again. It hurts. Don’t seek a magic cure, it
heals with time and returning to your Real Self.
How could that intoxicating love that seemed so
real abandon you and negate your very worth? How
could you have loved one who now seems so vulgar
and distant? The romantic-love-drug wears off. The
magic chemistry fades. Our egos take the defensive.
Denial and anger eclipse what beauty was shared.
If you have developed a Real Love that’s beyond the
love-drug-chemistry, then you have a Real
Relationship. If you don’t, you are left empty,
disappointed, and finally angry. Romantic Love
borrows its reality from the Love that We Are in
our Hearts but becomes stupefied in our egos and
the body’s sexual-feedback-soup of desire, need,
These many levels of communion and interaction in
relationship are a part of life. I’m not condemning
them. Just don’t lose the Center of your Inner Self
and think that Love is outside you. You are an
Ocean of Love and nobody can take that away.
Romantic love evokes the high and noble sweetness
of drowning oneself in the sea of union, and yet
comes crashing down on the hard shores of our
individual insecurity, vulnerability, and
Of course, our egos receive a brutal beating in
attempting to feel good about ourselves in all our
relationships with other confused humans. The
humans at home, at work, and in the street tend to
live in their own inner worlds and fail to love us
properly. The power of the Love we’ve lost within
ourselves makes the pain of losing imaginary love
feel real and devastating.
So we blame love for our pain.
We numb ourselves from caring to protect ourselves
from further hurt. The pain we think love is
causing us is actually our ego-identity suffering
it’s attachments, fears, and insecurities.
Don’t blame love.
You can never make a phony idea of yourself into
the Real You. The imagined self can never receive
enough love because it is based on illusions. It
can never really ‘be loved’ even by you, because
it’s just a collection of ideas, concepts,
imaginations, revised history, and mental
ramblings. It can’t “feel’ the love, only imagine
You are not the collections of thoughts that you
think you are. The Real You is Love itself; go BE.
Please don’t think that I’m saying that you don’t
love your family or your spouse. Our Pure Awareness
is always illumining our experience and our Pure
Love is always at the center of our Being.
Consciously or unconsciously, we experience the
Peace and Love of our Real Nature to the extent
that we’re not consumed by our attachments and
As long as you think you are such and such a
person, with a particular set of good and bad
qualities, who is seeking something called love in
the responses of other confused humans, you are
asking for drama and disappointment.
We live in-between confused love and Real Love.
Most of us have a taste of each. Coming home to
True Love is our spiritual path.
Until we get Real with Ourselves, love will always
contain illusions and pain.
Return to your Center in the Here and Now. You will
discover that that Love is an inseparable
expression of your very Being. Love can never leave
you. You will taste its sweetness in every moment,
with every person.
Real happiness is celebrated in the communion of
Love. It is experienced full of Life and Heartfelt
Presence. It happens when you open your Essential
Being from your heart to the Heart of another. You
experience the Love and it cannot be taken from
you. It still nurtures and uplifts you even if the
receiver isn’t capable of understanding it. You
give it without condition because it is who you
Everyone looks perfect and enlightened to an
Enlightened Heart. Sadly, they open their mouths
and prove otherwise. Every person harbors an
infinite potential of Peace and Love. If you speak
to that Inner Spirit in someone, it brings out the
best in them.
Know yourself, Free your Love. Let go of your pain.